There are two sides of forgiveness… Those we NEED to forgive and those we NEED forgiveness from.
We are only in control of those we NEED to forgive… I can testify very painfully that there is nothing I can say or do to convince my son to forgive me… This blog is something that comes from my daughter and I learning to understand each other and to FORGIVE each other… For as much as our story has a happy ending… the story of my son and I does NOT… and that is a reality that I have had to work very hard at accepting. Sometimes I think I have arrived and other times I know that I still have a long way to go. Anyways… I have placed this pain I have in a box… and I try NOT to look at it… I have however dealt with it BECAUSE I had to… in order to move on with my life… I had to FORGIVE myself.
Forgiveness is sometimes misunderstood… It does NOT mean we have to forget… or pretend that nothing happened… and it does NOT mean we even have to allow the person who hurt us back in our lives… It simply means we AGREE to BEGIN the process of letting go of all the pain… It is not an immediate action… or I should say… it does not have immediate results… Forgiveness is a process… very similar to grief… time does heal the MEMORY… but we have to be WILLING to let it go.
The reason that forgiveness is so important to mental health is that it FREES up much needed energy… For anyone who suffers with the pain of NOT being able to forgive someone… they will tell you… IT consumes a lot of time… we spend a lot of time dwelling on the fact that we have been hurt… Not because we want to be victims but because it quite simply HURTS… and we often cannot understand. Let me tell you… I have been there… many times… and I still have trouble with forgiveness… I think it is because I am so sensitive… and when I get my feelings hurt… they seem to stay hurt for a very long time… Another thing that happens is that I totally shut down and completely remove myself away from the person who has hurt me… That is fine when the person lives in another town or city… but when the person is close… it makes for a difficult existence. I have also been there.
In this last year… I have come to truly RESPECT the act of FORGIVENESS… I now see it as a VITAL part of my emotional well being… I no longer feel the need to hang onto and cling onto things that other people do to me… or say to me.
I’m not saying it is easy… but it is getting EASIER.
The hardest person to forgive in all honesty has been MYSELF… Oh my goodness… that has been a very long and difficult journey indeed… and I STILL have a very long way to go in that department… however… I am on the right path… and I know this because I am beginning to live without guilt and shame.
Forgiving someone sets us FREE… so that we can move on and continue growing.
Lady D here… Forgiveness is indeed the key to being free, it most definitely is not easy at times, but it is imperative for us to learn to forgive in order for us to grow and thrive. As Momma Bear said, forgiveness does not mean you need to allow the person back in your life, though sometimes forgiveness allows you to, depending on the circumstance. I truly feel blessed that Momma Bear and i have been able learn to love and accept one another, it wasn’t easy at times, but we did it, and I am so incredibly blessed to have Momma Bear in my life, and I am so glad we are able to do this Blog Journey together.
One thought on “Forgiveness”
I had to tell myself these things in order for me to forgive myself. Maybe it can help someone else forgive them self:
“You are this part of me who I just don’t like. I tried to kill myself because of you. Did you hear me…I wanted to die because of you. That is how much I hated you. When that didn’t work, I soon learned how to move on in my life without you. Yet, here’s the irony to it all. For some reason, I cannot move on in my life today until I have forgiven you.
So how do I forgive you? You tell me how I can forgive you. To me you were crazy, a loser, weak, irresponsible and you had no accountability or regard for yourself and those around you. And if this is for me to have freedom than I cannot help but feel that it has been over rated. Yet, I am old enough now to know that forgiveness is more for oneself.
This is what I want you to know. I did the best that I could to live in this world. It was one of dysfunction, evil, pain, loss and loneliness. Yet, it is in this truth tonight that I have forgiven myself. “