For me… the biggest light bulb moment has been accepting that I am who I am.. and it is what it is… By that I mean… right now… at this moment… I am ME… I can’t change a lot of what I am… but I am finally OK with that… No more hiding… no more going into my deep dark pit all alone.
I am so tired of trying to find answers to questions that don’t seem to have any answers… I suffer with SEVERE CHRONIC DEPRESSION and DYSTHYMIA… both of those illnesses together mean I am NEVER without pain and sorrow… I am always filled with such SADNESS… it is never ending and I have not been able to find the perfect medication to help… I have however been able to find a medication that helps me get a good sleep… and this has been a huge relief… Just recently… I have given up hope on finding that perfect pill… I have come to ACCEPT that this is “as good” as it gets for me… and I am OK with that… I have done my research and learned about my illnesses… There has been such FREEDOM in understanding that I am truly sick… It was not an act… It was not me being a drama queen… it was not something I have done wrong… It is NOT my fault that I am ill… BUT… it is my responsibility to live my life… in the best way I can. I think that is what has changed for me these last few months… is that I have finally ACCEPTED that it is what it is…. and NOW I can begin to live my life… one day at a time… just like everyone else. I realize that the above is easier said than done… but at least it is a starting point for me to begin. I have HOPE for the very first time.
For me there has been so much FREEDOM in discovering what it means to be clinically depressed… It is something that took me years to understand… I ignored it… I avoided it… I blamed myself for it… and now… FINALLY… I am simply admitting that IT IS WHAT IT IS.
~ Momma Bear
Safe Haven 